Marry for companionship, not out of pressure, parents advise youths

Some parents have advised youths to be driven by love and companionship in choosing life partners instead of marrying out of pressure from peer groups, society or family.

The parents, in separate interviews with the newsmen on Sunday in Abuja, said their role as parents was to pray and advise their children adequately and not mount unnecessary pressure on them.

Mr Peter Okafor, as marriage counselor, said it was an error to assume that there was a particular age at which one must get married.

He said that parents, guardians, friends and family always feel the need to mount enormous pressure on their children and wards to bring home wives or husbands.

According to him, this, in most cases is done out of love and concern; but care should be taken not to push the children into something they are not prepared for.

“Marriage is not child’s play; it requires maturity, patience and above all mental and emotional preparedness.

“We must make sure that they are emotionally ready and have found someone suitable before going into it.

“Instead of the pressure, educate them on the things to consider before settling for anyone; it is your wisdom in this regard they need more than anything else.’’

Okafor said that pressuring children into marriage could make them end up with the wrong spouse; adding that parents should be blamed and held responsible in case of misfortune.

“It is in order to remind your children when you think it is time for them to settle down and start a family; the manner in which this is done makes the whole difference.

“The message should be subtle and loving, cajoling and trying to blackmail them will not help.

“Cutting them off financially or constantly pointing out their peers who are married will put pressure on them and may make them rush into an unsavoury marriage,’’ he said.

Mr Nwanneka Chidi, a technician, said marriage was supposed to be a lifelong relationship and it would be an error to spend it with the wrong partner.

“It is wrong to pressure children into making a life time decision in error; if we pressured our children and they end up with the wrong partner, it ends in disaster.

“This is why you see divorce everywhere; I will rather advise that they marry for love; respect and completeness not because people think they were running out of time.

“Getting married is not an age thing for me; it has to do with a level of financial independence; where one can take care of his partner,” he said.

Chidi advised young people to marry based on love, maturity and good qualities that would support both partners in their various endeavors.

More so, Miss Michelle Ukwuani, a spinster, said she would not be forced or be pressured into married for any reason.

“If I marry out of pressure, it will get to a stage i might resent the man.

“I will marry for love; I cannot be pressured even if my younger ones get married before me because I believe everyone have their time zone.

“No one can pressure me to do what I do not want to do, not even side talks from family and friends.

“I know who I am and side comments do not get to me because I believe in God’s time”, she said.

She added that both genders must be ready to learn and exercise some level of maturity to be able to tolerate each other when in marriage and therefore, marriage must not be forced.

Mr Chekwube Odo, an Enginneer, said that some people may run out of time while waiting for love, and would later succumb to pressure.

He opined that youths should start preparing early for marriage so that they would not face pressure of any sort.

Miss Modest Ugwu, a civil servant, said that it was better to marry in accordance to God’s will and love.

“I will never marry out of pressure even if the whole world is on my case; because if I do, I will not enjoy such marriage and it may end in divorce,” she said.